you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
