It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
