i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
