apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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