Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
