you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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