Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You're like the curious george of whores
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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