That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
