He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
