hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
