ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
