You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
