why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
