JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
