My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you still have your period?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
