Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have aggressive nipples.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
