You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
