We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
