Plan B is the new Plan A
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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