so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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