if i can run in heels then i can drive
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
