she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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