if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
