It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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