Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
