he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
