he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
