Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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