Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
