I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
