I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
