No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
