I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
