when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
