i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
