roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
now i know why i became what i already was.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
