just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize