I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
