you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
