The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
