I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
