Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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