Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
