Got a toothbrush?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
