It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
