that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
