idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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