Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
