dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
