i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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