So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
