we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize