I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
