I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
