I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
