Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
did i walk over a car last night?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
