we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize