Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
