I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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