Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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