just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
