After last night, I could never be a politician.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
