he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
