can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
