2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
